S1W33: “Heavy Burdens”

© 2012 Phylicia Joannis

I pulled at the dirt and debris that trapped us all together, swiping frantically at large clumps of dirt, pipe and wood, not caring about the cuts and gashes on my fingers.

“Stop,” the Old Woman said firmly.

I shook my head defiantly as hot tears poured down my face. I had to get away from him.

“Stop,” the Old Woman said again, grabbing my hands gently. My resolve broke, and I let her pull me away.

“I can’t stay here,” I whimpered. The Old Woman placed her hand on my back and I collapsed into her shoulders, sobbing.

“It’s going to be alright,” she spoke reassuringly. “You’re a fighter.  Since you were born you’ve been a fighter. You will get through this.”

“No I won’t,” I cried angrily. There was a tightness in my chest that hadn’t been there before. Knowing I was simply unwanted, inconvenient- it hurt. The Congressman drew closer and I stiffened.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “If I could go back and change things I would. Please believe me.”

I turned to look at him, heat coursing through my veins. “You paid my mother to have me killed. What kind of monster would do that?”

The Congressman bowed his head. “You’re right. It was a monstrous thing to do. And I promise I will do whatever I can to get us out of here.”

“How?” I asked. “You can barely walk! You’re weak from hunger, and you need medicine.”

“My hands still work,” the Congressman looked at the dirt wall in front of us. “If this wall isn’t too thick, we can dig our way out.”

“It’s impossible,” I cried. The Congressman tried to give me a look of encouragement, but he couldn’t hide the fear in his own eyes.

“With God, all things are possible,” the Old Woman looked at both of us. “I’ve been in holes like this before, and God has always come through for me. I believe He’ll come through for you too, if you’ll trust Him.”

“God and I aren’t on very good terms,” the Congressman mumbled. “I doubt He’ll listen to anything I have to say.”

“Well, have you tried?” the Old Woman asked.

The Congressman looked at her in surprise. “Of course, I… well why would he listen to me?”

“Because he loves you,” the Old Woman stated simply. “He sent His son to save us from our sins. And you’ve got plenty of those, right?”

“More than I can bear,” the Congressman glanced at me, but I looked away.

“Sin is a heavy burden to carry,” the Old Woman said softly. “Give it to Jesus. You can’t keep living your life carrying all the guilt and shame of your past. It’s killing you.”

“Why shouldn’t it?” I injected bitterly.

The Old Woman looked at me with compassion. “Sweetheart, you’re hurting so deeply right now. You need Jesus too.”

“I told you I don’t believe in all that,” I stated defiantly. “God is a crutch.”

“Oh, He’s more than that,” the Old Woman smiled. “He’s a healer, too. Your heart is broken and you need Him to heal it.”

“No I don’t!” I shook my head, even as my eyes flooded with fresh tears. “I don’t need anyone!” I shouted.

“Right now we need each other,” the Congressman spoke gently. “We have to work together.”

“I hate you!” I shouted at the Congressman. “Why did you do this to me? Why did you throw me away? Why wasn’t I good enough?”

Thoughtless, I began grabbing chunks of dirt and hurling them at the Congressman. I don’t know why I started, but I couldn’t stop. The Congressman put his hands up in defense as the dirt became pieces of wood and pipe.

“That’s enough!” the Old Woman gripped my arm firmly and I stopped. “Look!” She pointed to the top of the mound. At first, what I was seeing barely registered. But as dirt and debris began slowly tumbling down the muddy wall, I felt my stomach curl into a not. I suddenly worried if my actions had caused another cave in.

“I’m sorry –“ I began, but the muffled sound of voices cut me off.

“Hello? Is anybody there?”

Even with the thick wall of dirt between us I recognized the voice.

It was the Nurse.